WILLIAM GILFEDDER

LAST OF THE 7 SAMURAI

I who once trailed the magic corridors of the east
Who in all things jade ruled like an emperor
Am reduced to this.
I who in the heyday of my youth bestrode the silver screen
Like a colossus
Am shrunk to this size.
I who from dawn to dusk, championed at no extra cost
Freedom, justice, eternal optimism
And anything else you care to mention
Am catapulted into obscurity.
I who once, almost nearly, made sub-editor of wishful thinking
At the emperor’s palace
Am doing this,
Demonstrating the most noble and ancient art
Of pear-splitting
In of all places Glasgow.
May the ancestors of my genes forgive me.
God what next, lecture tours at sunrise?
Banzai!
Banzai!

BLACK MONDAY

Is it the ex-guru of economics contemplating the horrors
Of his miscalculated theories?
Is it the advocate of the free-enterprise system
Regardless of the personal consequences?
Is it an angel who’s fallen from fiscal grace?
Whoever he is
Something in the economic climate isn’t agreeing with him
So he's taking something for it.
Meanwhile, back in the city....

THERE ARE SOME POLITICIANS

There are some politicians who actually believe
That the sun does indeed rise
From behind the platform of the Tory Party Conference
Whose idea of a heaven on earth
Is not Paradise
But a majority in Parliament -
Bliss for them is it in that dawn to be alive
But to be a Tory is very heaven

POLITICS IN AMERICA

Gee baby I don't know much about politics
But I’ll tell you one thing
I sure as hell ain’t gonna vote for no party
That tries to persuade me different
No matter how they write the style of Gods
Or make a push at chance and sufferance
So let's go dancing
And I'll try and show you a good time
For like the man said
There ain’t no free meal
And tickets are hard to come by

WHAT’S HIS POLITICS

What’s his politics?
O somewhere between Father Christmas
And Attila the Hun
That’s the kind of political platform I like
One with a very broad base
Keeps the bastards guessing.

DOOMSDAY SPEAK

As the senior lecturer in medieval history once said
(And he said it in all seriousness):
“So what you're actually saying is, is that the bunny rabbit
Was at the centre of the transition period
From a feudalistic society to a capitalist economy.”

HARD TIMES

I can remember when the lucky winners of these competitions
Were lured to their death by such exotic prizes as
2 weeks in the Bahamas
Or driven crazy by the sight of the latest wheeled wonder
To hit the showrooms
Now all you get to forget about your troubles is
Free sausages
And we'll pay your mortgage for a whole year.

SCOTLAND TO-DAY

Stands Scotland where she did
Not any more
The way it’s turning into one big service station
Why the hell don’t they just hang up a big Esso sign
At the border and be done with it
Free heather, with every 6 gallons of Scotland’s life blood
You can buy.